Unless you’ve lived under a rock for the last couple years, you know that everybody and their political brethren is taking one side or another with legalization and decriminalization of marijuana. But let’s pretend for idealistic moment, that we need a socially acceptable selection of bongs.

Just think… the moral-minority law-makers all finally woke up from the nightmare that has been, marijuana prohibition. What a wonderful world this would be…

In this ideal world we’ve imagined, you’re gonna need to “tool up” to survive socially… You’ll need rolling papers and roach clips, scales, pipes, screens, grinders, pokers and the like. Plus, you’ll need a nice box to keep it all in. (Like you don’t have those things already… 🙂

Now, in this brave new world it’s socially acceptable to catch a buzz by yourself or with friends. But, being health conscious, you’re also going to need several bongs to fit just the right mood and occasion. Here are several “occasion bongs” that you’re going to need to avoid committing a big social boner.

Personal Bong: No need to drag out the big gun if it’s just little ole’ you catchin’ a buzz. You need something a bit smaller. Something that just holds a couple of good hits to set yourself right again. You don’t need any muss or fuss about it. You know you just wanna grab a few tokes, chill into some music and find some easy munchies to stuff in your pie hole.

Intimate Bong: When you’ve got your favorite guy or girl over, your personal bong just isn’t gonna cut the mustard. You know you’re gonna need something bigger to hold their interest. Your little pea-shooter is just too much hassle having to reload every other hit or two. You also don’t need a party bong for just the two of you and you’re gonna need to leave a hand free for other activities… 😉

Friendly Bong: Okay, you’ve invited a friend over after work for a little smoke-out. But you’re not going to break out your intimate bong for them. That one’s for you and your SO. What to do, what to do? Hmmm… How about that medium-sized bong with a nice size bowl? It’s got a kill-hole so you’re not choking your damn-fool head off with every other hit. Load it a couple times, and you’re both good to go.

Party Bong: Now you’ve gone and done it. You’ve a got a whole bunch of people over and they’re all set to “burn down the house.” Now’s the time for getting out the big ole’ “earth mover” you stashed away for special occasions like this. You know, the bong that has like four hoses and bowl that’ll swallow your whole paycheck in one sitting. It’s the bong that you sit in the middle of the table. You each take turns running your lighter out of gas to keep it burning at full volume. Yea, that one…

Bong Advice: Don’t end up wearing your ass for a hat and looking like you have no bong etiquette or class. You need to “tool up” with the right bong to get the most out of this lifestyle. No matter the social situation you find yourself in, you should always be prepared.

If you’re missing any of these bongs in your collection, you should check out what the fine folks over at BongBuys.com have to offer. They’ve got over 20 kinds of bongs, with countless styles to choose from to fit each social situation you find yourself in.